“Don’t Ask Me Why”

A little over a week ago I quit my job. Today, I set out on the first leg of my trip heading towards my new home, Key West.

Since college, I’ve wanted to spread my wings and venture off and see what it is like to live in another state. I went to college, graduated, and got married. Sadly, the marriage didn’t last and we went our separate ways 3 years ago. When we separated, I started to look into places I wanted to live… Chicago, New York, San Diego, Charleston, Milwaukee… and I couldn’t decide. I decided to focus on me and I felt like I was just sort of floating around with no purpose. When my husband and I separated, I had very low self esteem and no goals in life. I knew I wanted more out of life and I wanted happiness and began to look at things a lot differently than my friends and family. For me, life became about trying to be better, and enjoying the littlest things. I didn’t want to be angry about anything anymore and I wanted each day to be a blessing.

A few months after the initial separation, my childhood friend Casey invited me to her wedding that would be in Key West. My friend and I headed down for the wedding that happened to be within a few days of my 28th birthday. I fell in love. The people, the views, the atmosphere was so perfect to me. I decided then that I would move as soon as I could.

Life had other plans. I found one reason after another not to go. The divorce, I was diagnosed with EDS, a possible job promotion, money, my depression and so on. 2 years went by and I was still talking about it with no plan of action.

I started to lose my outlook on life. When I became diagnosed with EDS it tore me down. I’ve struggled with severe depression my entire life and the diagnosis sent me down a path of a darker depression than what I had ever experienced before. I turned into a recluse, and it was one of the lowest points of my life. Thankfully with the help of my friends, family, doctors and an amazing physical therapist, I was able to gain momentum and started to come out of my hole. For a really long time, I had this cloud over me. I was just kind of functioning at my slowest speed with everything. I didn’t feel that happiness I once felt and had no drive to make anything different. I started to wait for things to come to me rather than me going after them.

I ended up venturing back down to Key West a 3rd time since Casey’s wedding for my birthday. Two years to the day since my first trip. I felt everything I felt before. It was like it breathed life back into me and I started to remember the simple joys of life. My friends down there had tried talking me into moving there, and I said I would (as I had been saying for 2 years).

My dream was becoming a joke. “Remember when you wanted to move to Key West?”

To say I was settling with my life was an understatement. I couldn’t find the push until one day I realized that I was the only thing in my way. I had been waiting. Waiting for someone else to bring me happiness. I had to stop finding excuses because I am the only one in control of my happiness and it’s not going to come from another person. One step at a time, I started planning and I pushed forward with the determination to make it happen. And here I go…

I’m hoping to inspire anyone who is feeling that struggle with life. LIVE YOUR LIFE! Get up and do the thing you keep pushing off! Whatever it is, (even if it is small) if it makes you happy then do it!

The first step is the biggest step. I have no idea what the future has in store, but I’m excited for the new adventure! I’m hoping to learn more things about me and figure out who I really am.

I’ll be updating throughout the week about the stops on the way down, and I should arrive in Key West this Thursday. Stay tuned!

5 thoughts on ““Don’t Ask Me Why”

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  1. Never been to key west, but I hear nothing but good things about it from those who have been. Thanks for your thoughtful well written blog! I’m excited to follow your journey. God bless your travels!

    Like

  2. Love this – so happy for you! I love that you were able to come to my wedding and that it changed your life! Safe travels, dear!!!!

    Like

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